Baka!
by TrisakAminawn
Summary: Inuyasha invades Kagome's school. Then they have to get out of there, quick. As in before the police are called. Naughty inu. And Kaede's in trouble.... Finally finished. K for a couple mild curses ONLY.
1. We Need You Now

Summary: Inuyasha invades Kagome's school. Short, and nothing earth-shaking happens, but that's as it should be. These people already have their own sakusha, they don't need me messing around.

Disclaimer: Like I said, these people have their own sakusha. Rumiko Takahashi, if memory serves. They beong to her. I have no claim on them whatsoever and only know dog-boy from a few mangas and a spoof anyway. However, if you could actually believe that I did own them, there's a duplicate well in my backyard that I'm willing to sell for a very reasonable price….

Kagome sighed. Things were just not looking good. Her grades were down, down, _down_, and they weren't likely to pick up with all this time-shuttling. Sure, Inuyasha was being most unlike himself and had said she didn't need to come back for two weeks if she didn't want to, and she didn't because she had to study, but now she kept wondering why he didn't want her around.…Augh! Now she wasn't listening in class. This was awful. She tried to concentrate on what the teacher was saying. Something about hypotenuses. What was wrong with her lately? She had the strangest feeling that something was not right back _there_.

_CRASH! _The whole class jumped as something collided with something else just outside their classroom. Then doors slammed, all up the hall, one after the other, as if someone was opening them, not finding what they wanted, and moving on. The screaming started about two seconds after this and continued to swell. The class sat frozen as the slamming doors came closer and closer. Finally it was their door that was thrown wide.

The figure framed in the door was wearing clothing that they would have laughed at if it hadn't been for the rest of him - strange dog's-ears rising out of far more silver hair that one head should be able to hold, clawed fingers, and an immense sword in one hand. It was the sword that caused the screaming. It looked like it had seen a lot of blood, although its blade was clean, and it would see more.

"Kagome." said the intruder. The moment he opened his mouth, silence reigned. Everyone was too scared not to let him speak. "Kagome." He repeated. "We need you." Everyone slowly turned to look at Kagome, who stood up hands on her hips. She looked angry.

"_Inuyasha!_" she spat. "This is my _school!_ How _could _you?"

"I-" he began.

"_Osowari!_" she shouted. The stranger plummeted face first to the ground. "Stupid inu!" Kagome said angrily. "Baka!" He levered his head up, spitting out formica floor covering, and stood.

"We need you," he said, "now. Not in two weeks, not at the end of the day. _Now._"

"What could possibly be so urgent-" Kagome began. The inu-thing turned away.

"Keh." he said. "I should have known you'd care more about what these humans think than about Kaede's life. You're like that."

"_What?_" Kagome shrieked. "Kaede's _life_?"

"Like I said," said the youkai, smirking, "We need you."

"Fine." Kagome said. "I'm coming. But you're going to owe me such an apology…."

"Whatever." he snapped. "Just come on." Kagome paused at the doorway and turned back to look at her classmates, who were still in shock.

"Look," she said, "I'm sorry. I'll explain when I get back, I guess…. See you." And she and the stranger were gone.

Okay, wasn't that fun? Let's face it, who hasn't at some point sat in class and wished that one of your favorite characters would smash into your school and want you to come with them? Mostly, though, I was just sick of all the slash in the Inuyasha fanfic I read. Booooooring. Do review, please,because I've never done this before.


	2. Getting Out of Here Now

Disclaimer: Inuyasha is mine by right of conquest because I flew to Japan and killed Takahashi. Show of hands - who believed that? OK, just jump over this cliff, there's gold at the bottom….

Author's note: The first chapter of this was supposed to be a one-shot, but it was too much fun getting reviews…. Thanks, biggest anime fan, I love you too. RiverLaithe, I am, as you see, your humble servant.

As the classroom door shut behind her, Kagome frowned at the wreckage of the library book cart, where it had smashed into the wall at the end of the hallway at warp speed.

"I'm wondering what made that necessary." she remarked. Inuyasha looked slightly embarrassed.

"It smashed into me."

"So you chucked it into the wall?" Kagome shook her head. "Baka." She muttered. "You didn't hurt the librarian, did you?"

"If he's the little man who sent the cart into me when I got here and ran, no, I didn't, but I'd like to." Inuyasha replied sourly. It had plainly been embarrassing to realize that he had been attacked by a cart full of books. It would be best, Kagome thought, if they could get out of there before some teacher woke up enough to alert the authorities. They were almost to the door now, and Kagome was feeling nervous. She had cut school a hundred times, but she'd never left in the middle of the day before. Then, following his habit of appearing where you least wanted him, the principal of the school, Takagi, came out of the woodwork. Alright, it was really his office, but it _felt_ like a nasty little imp had popped out of nowhere just to slow them down.

"Higurashi!" snapped Takagi. "Where are you going?" Normally Kagome would have quailed at the fury from her headmaster, but with Inuyasha there, she would have felt very silly caving to an angry head of school after having been through about everything nasty a demon can throw at you. Well, probably not. There was _always_ something new.

"I just need to go to see a friend of mine, Takagi-sama." she said politely. "Inu-" she paused. Inuyasha's name was not an inconspicuous one, given its meaning. She would prefer to avoid Takagi noticing her association with a hanyou, if it was still possible. "Inu here," she continued, "Just came to tell me that Kaede-baba may not have much longer." Takagi considered this, then said,

"You need a note from your mother and an _appropriate_ escort. Here, boy, why aren't you in school?" he queried rather impolitely. He looked Inuyasha over for the first time. "Dressed for a costume ball, are you? And what sort of name is Inu?" Inuyasha was looking dark. The man had obviously ticked him off badly.

"Inu is Kaede-baba's…nephew," said Kagome, trying to signal him to keep quiet, "He's been out of school for the past week sitting with her. He doesn't go here, anyway."

"Damn right." Inuyasha muttered.

"Eh?" said Takagi. "I don't believe you, quite frankly. No one would keep their dying aunt company looking like that. But even if I did, you can't leave school without a signed note. Back to class, now. I'm sure 'Kaede-baba' will still be fine at the end of the day." He folded his arms and looked bureaucratically smug. Kagome almost groaned. What was she supposed to do now? She certainly couldn't go back to class, but she didn't want to openly disobey Takagi. Unfortunately, the decision was taken out of her hands by Inuyasha, who had come to the conclusion that she had no more ideas for what to do within the rules of this time period. The Tetsusaiga was in his hand and pointed at Takagi's throat before the man's eyes had time to finish widening.

"Listen, little man," he said, as Takagi's eyes found his fangs – which were part of the reason he'd been keeping his mouth shut – and stayed there, plainly terrified, "Kagome has to come with me. There's a youkai completely out of control, Kaede-baba is prisoner, and Kagome is needed. Now go away. I'm sure you have better things to do." Takagi nodded dumbly and retreated, and Inuyasha sheathed the blade. Kagome gave him a _look_ as they continued down the hallway.

"That was completely uncalled for." She said.

"Oh, yeah?" Inuyasha retorted. "Tell me what I ought to have done, then." Since Kagome had no idea, she threw up her hands and 'keh'ed under her breath. They left the building in high drudgeon with one another.

"That hag's nephew?" Inuyasha said after a moment. Kagome couldn't help giggling at his tone, as if he was trying to be offended but not succeeding terribly well.

"Oh, shut up. At least I didn't make you her son." Come to think of it…. "I made you Kiyou's." Inuyasha told her what he thought of that with a dire look, which made her giggle again.

"Climb on." he said shortly. As soon as she was on his back they went much faster, reaching the well in slightly less than a minute. Inuyasha dropped over the edge and leapt out again immediately, into the fuedal era. Kagome assumed their destination was the immense pillar of smoke rising to the left, due to the fact that they were eternally in the middle of the greatest trouble to be had, but Inuyasha turned right, heading away from it.

"What's the smoke?" she asked. For some reason she still wanted to head toward it. Must be that primate curiosity gene, giving her the abysmally stupid tendency to run toward trouble rather than away. Of course, Inuyasha tended to do the exact same thing. Did hanyous count as primates?

"Fire," he said, which was nothing but the obvious unless: a) a large factory had been relocated to the Sengoshu Jidai, b) some demon was randomly creating smoke, c) Naraku was melting himself into the ground again, or d) Kouga was running in place. Kagome suppressed a 'No kidding.'

"So what started the fire and why are we going the other way?"

"Fireballs. About an hour ago. Kaede is this way." Inuyasha said. Evidently his patience with full sentences was used up. Kagome sighed. Apparently she wasn't getting any more out of him. She hoped she would actually be useful when they got there. Inuyasha pulled up short suddenly and Kagome jolted over his shoulder and onto the ground.

"What the _hell_…?" he said. Kagome sat up warily.

Hi, there, me again. Heh-heh, cliffhanger, evil, heh. That wasn't as much fun as the last one; maybe I'll try something new before I work on this again. What do you think? (For 'what do you think?' read 'I am an indecisive idiot, please advise.') Takagi is a good Japanese name; it was the name of one of my mother's elementary school teachers. He acts weird because Kagome's school is composed of the insane. This is clearly why she has not been expelled. It is also clear that their attendance rules must be incredibly lax; hence her not being dragged up before Conduct Review Committee, or whatever Japanese schools have, for missing so much school. Also hence the reason her head of school – principal at most schools, right? – didn't suspend her upon catching her brazenly exiting school grounds with a boy. Makes sense, right? Although maybe going to a girl's school has upped my expectations of teachers' alertness to their charges doing anything with a boy. I don't know why the head of school got threatened with the Tetsusaiga. I actually like mine. Oh, and_ do_ hanyous count as primates? Please review. Asking you to read at this point seems kind of dumb given that you just did. Au revoire!


	3. Let's Go Clean Up Now

Ummm…. Yeah, it only took me seven and a half months to update this thing. I wasn't sure I really wanted to, but people kept wanting me to, and I wrote the second chapter because people wanted me to in the first place. So here we are. Definitely a bit bizarre, but I can't help it.

$A$A$A$A$A$A$A$A$A$A$A$A$A$A$A$A$A$A$A$A$A$A$A$A$A$A$A$A$A$A

Kaede appeared to be playing cards on the top of a very high pillar of stone. Coiled around the pillar was a looooooong demon, shaped like a doxen, or whatever they call those dogs that look like sausages, that had been stretched out on the biggest rack imaginable. The kielbasa of sausage-dogs. It had a woman's head and two pairs of arms at the top, and it was absorbed in the game.

"Old lady!" Inuyasha shouted, polite for him. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Eh?" Kaede said. "Oh, ye're back, boy. Hello, Kagome-chan."

"H-hello," Kagome said. "Where is everyone else?"

"Handlin' the fire," Kaede explained. "Before it spreads t' the whole forest. I'd be with them, but Hou-lin won't let me go."

"Hou-lin?" Inuyasha repeated, incredulous at the calm way Kaede was behaving.

"Me," said the hairy sausage. "Sorry about all the trouble, of course. Now give me your pieces of jewel."

"What? No!" Kagome exclaimed.

"Well, I need them, and Kaede is still my hostage. Put the sword away, poodle-boy. Kaede, straight flush."

"Bother," Kaede remarked.

"Old hag!" Inuyasha shouted. "You _are_ a hostage! Could you take this a little more seriously?"

"Please?" Kagome added.

"Well, don't give them to her, of course," Kaede said absently, shuffling the deck. "Hou-lin, you cut." Doxen-lady cut the deck, saying,

"I'll talk to you when we're done with this game, poodle-boy."

_The question is,_ Kagome thought, _Does Hou-lin have some kind of spell on Kaede, or is Kaede just being herself?_

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Inuyasha shouted, whipping Tetsusaiga from its sheath and leaping toward the card-playing pair. Hou-lin raised one and and hit Inuyasha square in the chest with a fireball, transferred her cards to one of her lower hands, and picked Kaede up with one of the top ones.

"Hoooos-taaaaage," she said to Inuyasha, swinging the old miko, speaking very slowly as if talking to a slow child. "That means don't attack me, see? Understand, poodle-boy?"

Inuyasha snarled. "Fine. So what now?"

"Well, since you've interrupted our game, I suppose I might as well get down to business." She hurled another fireball at him and smashed him back into the crater he had made the first time. He sat slowly up. His hair was on fire. Kagome dumped a bucket of water on his head.

"Where'd you get that?" he asked, staring at the bucket as he shook himself, spraying water in every direction.

"I come prepared," she replied, putting the bucket back into the Wondrous Backpack of All Things.

"Whatever," he said after a moment. He turned back to Hou-lin, leveling his sword. "Try that again, you…what're you supposed to be, anyway?"

"The product of an insane mind?" Kaede suggested, still dangling by the back of her kimono.

"None of your business," Hou-lin retorted, loosing another flaming missile. This one Inuyasha ducked under, making for Hou-lin with Tetsusaiga. She swung Kaede in front of her and he swung away, cursing the air blue.

A moment later he was encased in a cage with bars of fire. Tetsusaiga was jammed into the ground and he was balancing on it, just avoiding having the flesh seared off his bones. If he moved, he was in trouble. "Damn you," he growled from his precarious perch.

Hou-lin regarded him, tapping her chin meditatively. "You can't stay like that forever, you know. Sooner or later you're going to wear out, or lose your balance. Or your patience," she added. She turned to Kagome. "So what do you say, girl? Give 'em up?"

"Don't!" called Kaede and Inuyasha in chorus. Kagome bit her lip. Why had Inuyasha thought they needed _her_ for this All she was good for was handing over the ransom, which he didn't want her to do. She didn't even have a bow….

She ran toward Hou-lin, her hands held up in front of her, and grabbed onto the long, smooth-furred brown body. Pinkness curdled around her hands in an attempt to 'purify'. Hou-lin yelped slightly.

"That _stings!_" she cried, thrashing and throwing Kagome away. The girl hit the ground several feet away and sat up, miraculously uninjured. Inuyasha's cage had wobbled while Hou-lin was distracted, and now he had a large burn on one arm and another on his back. His teeth were clenched. Kaede was beginning to go red in the face from being held by the collar.

Kagome swallowed. "OK," she said softly, "I'll give them to you."

"Don't, Kagome!" Inuyasha insisted. "I can whip her yet! Hang onto the stone!"

"You're more important than this bead!" Kagome shouted back. She pulled out the shards. "Here."

"Oh, don't worry about it," Hou-lin said, setting Kaede down. "I actually just came to irritate you and prove a point to Sesshoumaru. Jaa!"

"Hey -" Inuyasha began. She vanished the flaming cage with a flick and he hit the ground with a thud and some muttered imprecations. Kagome ran to him.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

"I'm bloody fine!" he snapped. "Just a little burned!"

"You're smoking," she informed him worriedly.

"I said I'm fine!" he growled. Kagome produced the bucket and filled it with water from a highly convenient stream. Inuyasha's eyes widened as she approached. "No you don't! I just got -" splash! "-dry," he finished dourly. He shook himself and then began swiping at his ears, trying to get the water out.

"Wow, Inuyasha, you're just exactly like a cat sometimes," Kagome marveled.

He glared at her. "WHAT!"

"Um, nothing, forget it, Kaede, how are you?" Kagome replied hurriedly.

"Well enough," Kaede replied, "all things considered. Come on, ye two. There's still a fire to fight. Bring yer bucket." She began to hurry off in the direction of the column of smoke.

Kagome looked at Inuyasha. "Come on," she said with a small smile, holding out her hand. "They need us."

He took it. "Yeah." He agreed.

The End.

Except there are no endings.


End file.
